How quickly fifty years can fly when you’re married to the right companion. Kermit and I just celebrated our fiftieth anniversary. We are still in love. We make each other laugh and enjoy our lives together. And we have always allowed each other the freedom to be who we are. I just thought I’d list some of the secrets to our success for some of our younger friends.
1. If you want something, just say so. This sounds so simple, but many operate under the assumption that their significant other should know what they want. Don’t expect your sweetheart to be a mind reader. Everyone sees the world from their own unique point of view. What may seem obvious to you is not necessarily obvious to another. If something is important to you and you want your sweetheart to do something…….open your mouth and say so.
2. Never try to change your sweetheart. The only one you can change is YOU. Accept without reservation that your sweetheart is a unique individual, a growing, ever changing unique person. Let him be himself. Love him. Be the best YOU that you can be and by so doing, your example may influence him to be the best HIM he can be. This works both ways. His example helps me want to be the best I can be and hopefully when I am the best person I can be, it helps him want to be the best he can be.
3. Keep your focus on the things you love about your partner. No marriage will survive when partners focus on the faults of one another. We all come with idiosyncracies that have the potential to drive the other crazy. Strong marriages are forged when focus is channeled to the strengths of one another. Don’t focus on minutia or those things that will not matter in the long run.
4. Take responsibility for your actions. Never blame your partner for what you do. Everything you do is a choice. There are consequences for your actions or lack of action. Many times you choose to do a thing because you wish to avoid a consequence. This is a good thing to do, but accept that it is your choice. Never allow yourself to be a victim.
5. Never complain to others about your sweetheart. Let him know how you feel and work out any problems between the two of you. If you are not willing to tell him what is bothering you, why would you then tell another? Often I have been in the company of friends only to hear them complain on and on about their spouses. Remember, everything is energy including casual conversation. Your spouse may never be consciously aware that you have publicly complained about him, but on an unconscious level the betrayal will be felt. Be honest and respectful with one another.
6. Forgive quickly and don’t keep a score card of wrongs. You have attracted all that is in your life. Everything and everyone is here to teach you and to ultimately bless you. We have attracted our partners for a reason and a purpose. They help us grow. In reality we have nothing to forgive, but all to love.
7. Cheer one another on. Do all you can to help him develop his unique talents. Never try to mold him into a copy of yourself. Each one must follow his own special path to fulfillment. Praise his efforts to express his unique talents.
8. Laugh. Laugh often and hardily. It amazing how laugher can change the mood of a room. Laughter releases feel good hormones and helps us bond.
9. Don’t be caught in needless arguments about who is right? Most of the time being RIGHT is just a matter of opinion. Opinions have no power. What does it matter what another thinks? It does not change anything. Only our ego cares about being right.
10. Kiss your sweetheart often….hug him, tell him you love him. Touch him. Don’t wait for so called special occasions. There is nothing more comforting than the touch of a loved one. Tell him you appreciate him and acknowlege the little acts of kindness he does for you.
I could go on and on but I think these ten secrets are a solid foundation on which to build a happy marriage. If you cannot use these secrets, it may be that you have not found your true sole mate. Whatever you do listen to your heart and follow its promptings.
For now, Earlynn’s just sayin’; “I thank God every day that I have been blessed with the love and companionship of Kermit.”